The red umbrella floated. Swaying
towards the hard rock. I thought the umbrella would crash into the rocks. The
red umbrella didn’t. It went over the rocky mountain. I ran after it losing my
breathe. I lost sight of it.
Till then. Something sparkled in
the sunlight. I thought it was my umbrella it wasn’t. It was a beautiful view
of sheep, cows. MOUNTAIN LIONS! I ran for my life hoping they didn’t see me.
They just growled like cats it was a magnificent view so beautiful and
dangerous. I should of ran but it was too beautiful.
THE END
Dear Marcus,
ReplyDeleteI LOVED reading your one hundred word challenge, I like how the character is on a miniscule adventure on finding his red umbrella. You have used great adjectives in your writing: magnificent, beautiful and dangerous.
To make this writing even better you could instead of using lots of simple sentences, you could use some complex sentences like:
The red umbrella floated. Swaying towards the hard rock.
edited:
The red umbrella floated, swaying towards the hard rock.
Try to change some of your sentences, but well done on your writing!
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From Ismail
Dear Ismail,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your kind words and wonderful feedback.
It is very helpful.
I liked seeing your blog and I will return to keep an eye on your work.
Thanks again,
Marcus